Poem

Dah lama tak pos apa-apa kat sini, so this is what I felt after watching Ayat-Ayat Cinta 3 times in the past few days.

I'm not sorry for being cheesy though...lol~~~

Membuak cinta yang menggoncang

Kepada Engkau yang menciptaku

Terpalit rindu yang mendalam

Kepada RasulMu yang memimpinku

Ya Allah, apakah masih wujud hidayahMu ya Tuhan

Dalam dunia ini yang runtuh dek kebengisan

Yang musnah hasil kebencian

Manusia yang tak pernah lena daripada hasad

Apakah tiada lagi keamanan?

Tiada lagi keimanan?

Tiada lagi kasih sayang?

Ya Allah, di manakah keamanan dunia

Yang porak peranda dek dosa manusia

Kemanakah hala tujuku, ya Tuhanku,

Untuk mencari keredhaanMu, Ya Rahman

Berikanlah aku hidayahmu Ya Rahim

Agar aku tidak hanyut dalam arus dunia fana ini.

Ya Tuhan, wujudkah cinta dalam fantasi dunia yang kelam ini?

Tatkala manusia lalai mengabaikan suruhanmu?

Adakah ia hanyalah bungaan bahasa gubahan mereka

Yang percaya cinta itu kasih di antara manusia?

Mengapakah aku masih lagi buta akan ertinya cinta?

Walhal mereka melafazkannya bak hujan yang mencurah…

TuhanKu, kuharapkan cintaMu

Cinta yang membawa ke syurga abadi.

Tuhan, ku harapkan cintaMu, Ku harapkan hidayah olehMu

Temukanlah aku, wahai tuhanKu,Dengan imamKu

Yang telah Kau ciptakan akuDaripada rusuknya

Yang telah Kau tetapkan jodohnya kami sejak azalinya aku dan dia

笑える恋なんかしたくない

最近、いい映画はないから、crunchyrollで見たドラマをお薦めします！

「笑える恋はしたくない」は意外と面白い！本当に面白の方が正しいかな・・・役者はしずちゃん、マッスーで他は夏川だっけ？で・・・知らない人。クリスマスのドラマなんだけど、マー、マレーシアね、ないやから、ええちゃう？

今思えば、愛なんて神様がくれた愛だ。だから、神様に感謝するのは大事で、その愛を守るのも大事だね。最近の人はそうしないね、何でだろう？

私は、恋に落ちるのは難しい子で、実は逃げてるばかりなんだ。したくないわけじゃないけど、信じないだけかも-今の人のこい事だよ！＝信じない。

愛は、一生の事と思う。今、ここで、愛を感じてるはウソだと思う。好きなら、恋を感じるなら、その思いを守らなきゃ！って感じ？それが信じています。だから、結婚しても、その思い死ねるのは絶対ダメじゃん！結婚したら、もっと咲きます、もっと盛り上がるべきだと思う！なぜかと言ったら、二人の願い叶いましたなんだから。




終わらないと始まらない。
会わなくても、信じてます。

ある日、必ず・・・その運命の瞬間、その運命の出会い・・・待ってます。

Sakit pale beb...TANGGAL 31!!!

Waktu genting camni lah ade segala jenis penyakit datang...geeeeeeeeeeh!!!!

Geram beb!!! Oklah, untuk melaksanakan kerja Dr. Radiah beri...(p/s: Dr. dah baca, tapi hari tu Dr. cakap macam boleh gugurkan jeh...kekeke)

Hari ini, tanggal 31 bulan lapan, tahun lima puluh tujuh ialah hari merdeka
Negaraku merdeka !
Negaraku tetaplah akan merdeka
Ia pasti menjadi sejarah

Hari ini, tanggal 31 bulan lapan, tahun lima puluh tujuh ialah hari yang mulia dan bahagia.
Hari ini disambut dengan jiwa yang merdeka

Mari kita seluruh warga negara, beramai-ramai menyambut hari merdeka
Negaraku merdeka !
Hari ini, tanggal 31 bulan lapan, tahun lima puluh tujuh ialah hari mulia kerana negaraku merdeka

Mukyaaaaaaaaaaaa- kenapa pelik satu macam nih? Yen Yeng punya panjang satu macam, tapi yang ni ayat panjang cam payah jerh...gyaboooon~!

If there's a day when you think it's not a good day...

then it isn't. I am the kind of person who will be the spoiler of a party if there's no one spoiling it. Why? 'Coz I think there shouldn't be anything that would go perfect. Problems are a must, so it is just natural for me to feel bothered if there's no problem arising.

Tahun lepas, 6 Ogos 2007, bukanlah suatu hari yang aku rasa 'sedap'. Malam tu, aku balik dengan pak cik aku ke Penang, tayar kereta pecah...tu takpe lagi. Sampai kat rumah pun, aku relaks lagi, tapi entah kenapa aku rasa berat mulut. Bila dah tidur, aku tak lelap. Pukul 2.30 pagi tidur, rasenye pukul 3 lebih baru lelap. Bila telefon aku berbunyi tu, aku dah boleh agak la. Suara abah aku satu macam punya tenang, tapi dia cakap terus, "Yana, Tok We dah tak de."

Hoh, terdiam aku. Aku langsung tak nangis. Aku fikir nak balik Kelantan je. Aku mesej Dr Haslina, aku mesej kawan-kawan aku lepas tu terus naik kereta, tumpang pak cik aku yang kat Lumut tu, balik Pasir Puteh. Aku tak nangis langsung sepanjang 5 jam nak sampai rumah datuk aku tu. Otak aku fikir apa pun aku dah tak ingat.

Tapi bila aku sampai, memang ramai orang kat rumah. Kecoh gak la mak cik-mak cik kat rumah tu, dok tanya aku dari manala, dok mintak aku sabar la, bisik-bisik yang aku ni cucu sulung, baru sampai daripada Penang la hapa la...

Aku naik atas ke bilik Tok Ayoh aku, aku nampak je muka dia, terus berderai air mata aku. Aku langsung takleh nak fikir bila aku masuk bilik tu. Aku nangis puas-puas.

Mana nak tahu, benda sama jadi lagi tahun ni? Ni Tok Ayoh aku lak...yang aku takleh tengok muka dia kalau tak rasa sebak.

Aku bagitahu kat kawan-kawan aku ade kenduri kat rumah, 17/8 lepas. Memang dorang dah tahu. 16/8 tu pak cik aku ada akad nikah. Aku entah nape, rase agitated sangat. Sampai je masjid tu, memang agitated tahap nak mengamuk. Dekat masjid tu, aku langsung tak dengar upacara akad nikah, aku dok dengar iPod aku full blast la. Bila dah habis akad nikah tu, aku relaks sikit. Tapi masa kenduri kahwin tu, agitated lagi. Adik aku pulak dok menangis 'coz sakit hati. Dia menangis tak pasal-pasal tu memang pelik la, 'coz selalunya aku yang sakit ati dengan cousins aku belah abah aku ni. Dekat kenduri tu, dorang kasi CD as presents to the guests. I got a CD titled 'Tirai Kematian' iaitu 'Death's Curtain'.

My sister and I were basically sick of the ceremony. Our mom told us before hand that my granddad is planning to go back to the hospital, so we're thinking of him and to get home as fast as possible. But they are dragging the time, dahla tak solat lagi masa tu. We want to get back by 3, but we're still taking pictures- me and my sis were all outside not bothering about the photo session- and it was 3 when we were on our way back.

Half way nak sampai rumah, mak aku call mak cik aku- aku naik skali dgn mak cik aku- and lepas tu mak cik aku cakap 'Inalillah...'

Sah-sah...adik aku terus nangis. Aku lak, blur...Aku takle nak nangis, so aku dok tepuk belakang adik aku, trying to calm her down. Then my aunt cakap, "Ayah Cik takkan lupa la wedding day dia, coz hari ni ayah dia meninggal..." die abis cakap je, tak putus-putus keluar air mata aku.

Aku memangla sangat sensitive about my Tok Ayoh. He had went through so much with Tok We that I can't see how they can be apart for so long. Before aku balik umah, aku before tidor, tiap-tiap malam aku doa so that He would lessen my granddad's burden, to make him feel better, to give him what's best. And it turns out to be this...


aaah, aku sambung lepas ni la plak...wat sedih diri sendiri je

Wave the flag baby!!!

After three days of Olympics, I am so loving the Japanese male team for the Artistic Gymnastic. Uchimura Kohei is so cute!!!! And Tomita Hiroyuki is so cool, I am flailing~

Our Malaysian archery team was excellent, though it was excruciating to see that they lost to Italy...lagi sikit jer...

Daniel Bego didn't shine through though...but he wasn't last in the heat, so I'm aaaaa-ok~ so what if he didn't get through the preliminary? Do your best next tim, Daniel!

I was all over the moon when Chong Wei and Choong Hann got through the block-32 and they're going to the black-16 and LET THEY HEAR NEGARAKU PEOPLE!!!

I'm also rooting for the Malaysia's Azizol Hasni Awang! You better be bringing back that shining gold, honey~ hahaha<-jatuh hati kat ke-cute-annya~ hahahahaha

I'm praying for Malaysia's gold... and Japan's too...huihuihui

Nadia Elena Comaneci is...

a Romanian gymnast who is responsible in popularizing the sport. I didn't know that ><;; and a bit info of her- taken from wikipedia.com ...is a Romanian gymnast winner of five Olympic gold medals, and the first gymnast to be awarded a perfect score of 10 in an Olympic gymnastic event. She is one of the best-known gymnasts in the world and, along with Olga Korbut is credited with popularizing the sport around the world.

and a picture of her is...

Kawan

Korang paham ke apa maksud kawan? Aku pun tak tau gak, tapi aku ni jenis yang tak kisah. Kawan aku sape, pun aku tak kisah, juz aku harap dorang ni aku boleh fahami and get along dan tidak membawa aku ke arah yang tidak baik.

Aku tak tahu aku ni jenis ape. Aku tahu aku cam budak-budak. Aku tak kisah, tapi dalam hidup aku, aku nak jadi orang yang aku rasa aku patut jadi. Sape yang rase aku ni budak-budak, tahniah, itulah aku. Sapa yang rase aku ni garang, korang tak kenal aku la tu. Sape yang rase aku ni bertanggungjawab dan baik, hohoho, same ade korang ni cam bese je dengan aku, atau aku manjakan korang.

Aku paling tak suka sangatla kawan dengan budak lelaki. Coz aku ni cukup ganas untuk bergaduh dengan depa. Tapi aku ramai gak kawan lelaki, lawak lak. Aku sekepala dengan korang eh? Oklah tu. Tapi aku rase aku paling tak suka kalau kawan dengan orang yang aku takle terima as friends. Tak kisah la pasal ape, aku mintak maaf banyak-banyak kalau aku takle terima korang sebagai kawan...depa ni jenis yang aku takle terima, cam mat rempit ka, kaki gaduh ka..atau orang yang aku suka.

Tak kisah la...ada orang kata kat aku...

'Nape plak takle kawan dengan crush hang sendiri? '

'Sedih weh...'

'Takdak kaitan pun'

'Bukan hang yang kena kawan dengan orang yang hang suka'

'Tapi kawan je'

'Ye ar...aku kalau boleh nak kawan dengan die. Tapi hang cuba dok kat tempat aku. Aku nih bukan main susah nak suka kat orang, tapi tersuka kat kawan aku lak. Lak tu, die bukan kawan biase je. Haih...'

'Ala, die selesa dengan hang la tu'

'Yaka...hang kenai sangat dengan die, hang kawan la dengan die. Oh, hang kenai apa die tuh, die pun kenai hang, awat hang tak rapat dengan die?'

'Die suka cakap dengan hang la...'

'Ye la, aku tau. Tapi hang cuba la rasa ape perasaan suka kat kawan baik hang sendiri, pastu die pulak dok cerita kat hang pasai diri die, pasai masalah die, pasai girlfriend dia, pasai perasaan dia...walaupun aku boleh terima la tapi kalau dia mai kat hang, dok manja-manja dengan hang. Dok cakap hang ni best friend dia, ok, hang pun boleh la nak terima dia ni as special, tapi hang tau, perasaan hang kat dia bukan as friends...hang nak buat cam mana?

'Wat bodo je la'

'Senang hang la amik dia jadi best friend hang. Aku dah letih dah. Baik aku pikiaq pasai masa depan aku daripada aku dok susah ati plus sakit ati dengan dia. Bukan kawan dah tu weh, kalau sampai aku jadi camni.'

'Hampeh la hang, takle kawan dengan crush hang sendiri'

'Ah, aku kisah apa. Bukan hang yang rapat dengan dia dan suka kat dia at the same time'

Bleh...

Aku malas nak pikiaq dah la. Serius, aku kalau boleh aku nak kawan dengan dia. La ni, aku kawan lagi dengan dia. Tapi aku habis nanti, aku nak lari lagi dari mamat ni. Bye bye, aku dah nyanyi lagu tu kat awak kan,k la kan...hahahaha

kemanakah ingin ku tuju?

cewah~

dah banyak kali orang fikir tentang masa depan, dan walau banyak kali itu sudah tak terkira, soalan tetap serupa; habis universiti nak buat ape?

kahwin? oh tidak!
kerja? kemungkinan besar...sebab nak duit.
sambung pelajaran? nak sambung tapi kena tengok dulu, kalau dapat biasiswa, ok!

ada tiga pilihan, tapi semuanya cam nak telan mentah-mentah je. kahwin bukan pilihan utama, yang itu memang sangat pasti sebab... hahaahaha, tepuk dada, tanyalah kenapa. kebelakangan ni ramai orang bincang pasal nikah kahwin, tapi kena juga fikir tentang masa depan rumahtangga. bukan senang nak hidup dengan lelaki yang kita tak kenal selama kita hidup setakat ni-dan kita nak kena habiskan sepanjang hidup dengan lelaki ini? walaupun orang percaya bahawa cinta itu ada, tapi cinta monyet, cinta lembu, cinta anjing atau cinta muda-remaja-bagai-nak-gila ini,bukan cinta yang orang rasa boleh membawa sampai ke syurga.

ceh! akukah itu?

bukan nak remehkan lelaki, tapi orang tak pernah fikir orang boleh percayakan kaum adam ini. ohoho, perkara ini diluahkan oleh saya yang merindui seorang lelaki, tetapi dia bukan milikku dan aku bukan miliknya, jadi orang boleh je nak cakap. ada banyak sebab orang tak boleh nak percaya dekat depa ni, tapi orang bukan cakap depa ni tak boleh dipercayai...cuma selama ni, orang tak pernah jumpa lelaki yang orang boleh percaya kecuali keluarga sendiri. bukan tak mau, cuma tak boleh...sebabnya? mereka ini kemungkinan besar akan memutarbelitkan segala fakta yang sepatutnya mereka cakapkan.

oh well, these things aren't the things that I should be concern about. when the time comes, it'll come. if someone could prove me wrong, then I shall gladly accept it.PROVE ME WRONG PEOPLE!

but to think all of this, i really think that girls could be stupid too. in general that is. just read my previous post, you'll see how aloof i myself could be. like seriously! but i never let myself get too far, i'll catch myself and i'll mend the problem myself. i am a seriously passionate person who will let my emotions pour out like rain, but i'll freeze with my emotions when i'm in front of the person. like, if i like someone, it'll never shows! i mean, i'll shy away from the person because i don't want that person to know how i feel. but when i want the person to know about it, then i'll let it clear.

but then again, even when the other person knows about it, if they think they could take any kind of advantage over me...OH NO NO~! you're not getting anything, and you'll probably be avoided at all cost. yes. i'm a masochistic person,but can be sadistic to others...XD

友達と言えば、やはり凄い友情がいいね。今思えば、私はタッキーと翼の友情がいいなずっと思ってたんだ。何でだろう？友達以上、家族みたいな関係だからかもね。中が良さ過ぎて、普通の話してるときで見えるやん。ニサと私はそういう関係かもね。イヤイヤ、私達はやっぱやばかったぐらいかも。シングルベッドの上で、一緒に寝たり、何でも挙げたり、何でも負けせておいたり、毎晩会わないとダメとか・・・レスと言われたぐらいやった。

いや～

ニサ好きやねん、私。けど、そういう好きちゃうやから、感違いでや！ベストフレンズやから、普通ちゃうん？

大学入ってから、ゼティー根ちゃん、イリヤ、イリ、シャッズ、祥子、ナワルとマリが会って遊んでしゃべって・・自分のそれぞれのキャラが出て、分かってだから、今の私達に成ったと思ったやで。大学には、私とナワルしかいないやけど、また何所かに会える思ってるやから、ええねん！今の頃は、頑張ろうぜ！が皆に伝えたいや。


皆大好きやで！チュー★

i miss him

i miss him

i miss him

i wonder if whatever i'm going through right now means or leads to anything.

but i sure miss him

and i miss all my friends...i miss every single one of them.

wait, am i confused? naww told me that i am. if we're something more than normal friends, it'll be weird, but i'm just...i can't seem to get him out of my head. what does it suppose to mean? i have no idea.

強がり and 負け惜しみ

Tsuyogari and Make Oshimi...

are not new words for me...okay, maybe yang first tu, yes, a new hatsugen for me.

Tsuyogari- bluff;show of courage
Make Oshimi-poor loser; make excuses; unwilling to admit defeat; sour grapes

maji benkyou dane, kyou. Ah~ tadi tertonton<--? Last Friends epi 11 and seriously, walaupun mula-mula tu rase cerita is so my type, but sorry to say, even when I love reality based dramas, there are things that you want to think is still as sweet as a dream. Entah ape aku cakap pun tak tahu. But hey! Life is a drama. It's so melodramatic, I think I am such a bad actor since I've been doing nothing but whine and point a finger to someone.

Bad bad bad of me.

My life is so lifeless if I'm hook on the computer too. But I cannot live without my cayang laptop too.

Life is just the way they are. It's not always sweet and pretty all the way till the end. I guess the amount of times we fall is also the reason that keeps us going. At home, I AM A SPOIL BRAT! Bayangkan, tiap-tiap minggu kena marah dengan my beloved Umi. God, how old am I again? I know I'm childish, but there's this part of me which doesn't want to leave that part of me...get it? Even if I'm 30 ke, I still think my mom is the person I'll always refer back to. I love my parents, Umi, Abah and my family. I don't care if I'm still living with them till I got out ten years later, because they are here while they still could, kita tak tahu bile kite or depa pergi dulukan?

Family is everything for me.

Once, I nearly lost them. Let me say when; last year's August. My grandma died. My dad's unstable thoughts and everything resulted to A LOT OF PROBLEMS. You have no idea how scared I was. I traveled back home every week for two months straight because I don't want my parents to split. I still remember the nights I didn't sleep to just accompany my mom...or the days I spent talking with my dad.

Heck, I don't care if I'm not going to be with someone in this life because my family matters most.

Don't get me wrong, aku selalu doa for whoever that unmei na hito will be. For him to be safe and healthy. *I'm choking on my words* giler memalukan

The other day I had this meme thing on LJournal and my March birth month said this:

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves travelling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

And when I saw that line...

Am I?
Nah...
Maybe...
but
was he THE one?
if he was?
but he was probably my...
what?
crush?
like?
like, for three years?

Oh, and how ironic is it that it's Utada's First Love playing now?

Love kaaaaaaaaa...
shiranai~
keiken shita koto mo nai shi ne~
kedo wakaru kamo...the song that is!

but there are things that need time. maybe I'm saying this to actually give myself some piece of mind. what? I don't care. I actually rase nak cuba and give it a chance. I know, I have the - cinta selepas kahwin thing...and I still believe in it...tapi is it even, normal...for girls? Because I don't really know anymore.tapi yang aku tahu, there's this thing called jodoh and He makes everything and everyone in pairs. That's why good things come in pairs.

And... Oh yesh! I wanted to talk about this actually.

負け惜しみわけじゃなくて、信じたいと思ったけれど、もしかしたら、私達の話はここまでかも知らない。今まで、本当に好きだったって事は黙ってた。ずっと片思いかなとおもちゃったから、お互い好きなんて信じられない。しかし、今そちらの方は好きな人もいるから、私邪魔したくない。お幸せに。この友情を切った、ごめんなさい。

ただ強がりでした。

misssssssssssssssssssss akak and ili so much \(^3^)/

p/s: ilya and shaz~ miss you two too!

NAP...a meeting is the start of a seperation

so the last NAP student went back to Nagoya already...tapi still rase that they are still here, thanks to all the mails I've received. still need to put up all the pictures I have of them...

Anyway, what I'm really sad about is, how we couldn't have time together as much as I had with '06's NAP students...me and 06's NAP-we're really close, it's hard to even think of separating. as for this year's, the last two weeks dengan the students were awesome, that makes it all painful. even if I am close with most of the girls from the start- yeah, kena jaga Chie, Eri and all the one yang comel2...I think in the end, Ee and Kai got the ones yang dorang rapat...hehehe, but still, I think all the tutors and the NAP students wants the remaining days to be together..

Oh and this picture...this is when NAP '06 are on our way to Tesco...mase tu takde Texco Extra, so kena la pergi yang kat depan highway tu and that was the first time we went out together...my head is popping out kat blakang tuh and Ryu*in green* is like the *hawt*est guy of the batch, but this year, tak tahu la saper, coz last year, I'm sure people agrees with me if I said it was Yacchi. this year, Tosshi? maybe...hehe...I'm being bias.

ah, I guess I don't have this 'culture shock' anymore. I was, mase first year. Shocked till the point that I'm kinda the most jakun person ever mase NAP student datang. but I'm happy to say, what I've experienced since then had been benefiting. I'm happy to say that I could talk and explain about nearly anything in Japanese, even if I do mix up all the words...huhuhu, hey, I'm not a Japanese, so it's only natural if I tend to katakana-ing every word that I couldn't think of in Nihongo.


i have to go and find this year's NAP pictures...since MY PRECIOUS OLYMPUS ROSAAAAAKKK! *still couldn't get over that fact* I'm left with my phone's camera... tapi takpe, I could go on and curi other tutor's pictures la, hehehe